Bull Market is a random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
Bear Market is a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex.
A long term investment is a short term investment that failed.
Economics is an extremely useful method of employment for economists.
There was a tremendous turnaround in the market today. A stock brocker who jumped out of a window on the twelfth floor, saw a computer screen on the seventh floor and did a U-turn.
12 months ago if you had bought 1,000 worth of ABC stock you would now have 35. If you had bought 1,000 worth of beer you would now have 41 worth of empty beer cans. Therefore... Invest in beer!
A stockbroker is someone who invests your money till it's all gone.
The safest way to double your money is to fold it and put it in your pocket.
Always play with other people's money!
Your best investments are the ones you don't make.
One becomes moral as soon as one is unhappy.